"Am I Ok?"
This question seems to come up so frequently in my life anymore. Whether it be through a text messgae, an email, a phone call or in person. And, the question that keeps ringing through my head is how am I really supposed to answer?? Am, I supposed to say "I'm ok" or am I supposed to tell that person what is really on my mind? Well, if you are reading this I am going to give you the straight up honest truth how I am doing ,which is not "ok". It has not yet been two months since DJ, my best friend, my soul mate, my children's father, my everything has passed away, and this is why I tend to ask myself, how can people ask me if I am ok, when they know the answer? I find myself answering this question with "I'm doing ok" and that is all I have to give, when in reality each person who has asked me this knows the real answer. Which is, I am a mess, I can barely function and the only thing keeping me going is our three beautiful children that we have and will always have. I find myself doing things to keep our life together alive, while at the same time it hurts soooo bad! I find that everything I do, or say or listen to on the radio reminds me of DJ and the hurt and pain and reality comes back in full force, almost slapping me in the face! I guess this may never be answer that I will be able to answer, or one that weighs on my heart and mind forever...."Am I Ok?"
Ah friend, realness. I love it! A great place to start! It is what I choose to be. I as an emotional person (who feels deeply)see there are two kinds of people: those who ask that question and really want to know the good/bad/ugly who want you to be "real" with them. And those who ask that question cause they are not sure what else to say and they really can't handle it if you spill to them. You'll find out who is who. And I see it's good to have a balance of both.
ReplyDeleteWrite write write, this is YOUR space and know you don't have to publish any comments you don't want to and know you don't have to respond to every comment and know no apology need if you offend someone at some point (always happens to me) but most of all KNOW that I simply love you girl and am inspired by your strength in Him (even when you don't feel strong), even though I have no idea how you walk through your daily life, yet you still do. God shines through you! Love love love!
Beautiful as always Steph!!
DeleteHey nicole. Just wanted to say sorry for everything you've gone through. Even though I know its hard to do sometimes try to keep writing. I've always found it helps me to write my thoughts down. And what a great first post! Very powerful.
ReplyDeleteSarah Greenawalt
Thanks Sarah! Yes, I have found that writing is very therapeutic and has helped in a lot in the last couple of months.
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