6 months, 6 months, this is all I can think about this
morning. How has it been this long
already, yet seems just like yesterday every single day??? Today is one of those many days that will
forever be changed for me and will never ever be the same. As the holidays approach I find myself wondering
how my life will ever be “normal” again.
I have to and our kids and family have to celebrate holidays that only a
year ago were celebrated with the most amazing man! I tell myself every day that I need to start
moving on with life because I know Deej would want this, but how do I do
this? How do I move on with life and
start to rebuild my family when I am forever tainted with this label? This label of being “that girl”, “that girl
who lost her soul mate at such a tender age.”
How do I let others see that I want a sense of normalcy in my life
again? How do I get them to understand
that while I want their compassion and understanding, I also want to be able to
talk about him and look at pictures and reminisce of the life we once had
without the uncomfortable feeling surrounding it. Maybe it’s me, maybe I am the one that until
now really hasn’t been ready for all of this.
Maybe I have been fooling myself into believing that I was ok, when in
reality I wasn’t. I never will fully be
ok, but I am ready to be ok as much as I possibly can. Not only for me, but for our kids, our family
and our friends. I am ready to really
make the next step into my long journey of healing (I have made it 6 months so
far) and begin to move on with my life in a healthy and happy way where I can
feel somewhat whole again and be able to do things to keep DJ’s memory alive
and honor the life he had with all of us and show everyone who didn’t have the
awesome opportunity to know him, know what an amazing man he was!! And while taking this next step towards the “new”
future, I will only include and bring along those who really truly want to be
in my life for good reasons and ones that will help me. I believe I have a whole lot of those people
already by my side and I love all of you more than you ever could know!!
